POSTERITY

 photo: StockPhotoPro

Parents do things for posterity all the time. That shopping bag full of "artwork" tucked away in a closet is for posterity. The photographs of toothless smiles, the pencil marked door frames, the stain on the rug that only you know is from baby poop: these are things we hesitate to dismiss, lest we forget the moments.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my tiny son that I would like to cherish - for posterity. The dialogue went by too quickly and is now, of course, gone. I am aware that it was special and unlikely to ever happen again. It went unrecorded. His perfect little boy voice remains un-captured. How, I've been wondering, do I stick that conversation in my "old lady box?"

Turns out, I have a blog. I'd nearly forgotten about it, actually. I could blame my recent blog negligence on the hurricane, no school for the boys, and all-consuming turkey preparation, but what difference would that make? The point is, I've remembered it!  And, lo and behold, it solves my posterity issue! Below is an accurate* account of:

The Best Conversation of My Life 

Lights up on a cross over vehicle** driving through a light snowy blizzard in suburban New Jersey. A mom, wearing clothes one step up from pajamas, but not quite cute exercise garb, drives, happily enjoying the heat of the tush warmer in her Ford. In the back, a chatty three year old, is uncharacteristically quiet.

MOM: Hey, back there. You ok?

KID: Uh-huh.

MOM: What are you thinking about?

KID: How do babies get in Mommy's tummies?

Beat. Mom smiles to herself. Here's "that" moment. She's ready.

MOM: (clears throat) Well, inside every daddy there are seeds, and inside every mommy there are eggs. So when the mommy and daddy decide they want a baby to love, they mix up their egg and seed and put it in the mommy's belly so that she can grow a baby. And then it grows and grows until it is ready, and then a baby is born!

Mom silently wonders at her own 1950s description of conception, but decides now might not be the best time to discuss gay marriage, fertility issues, and the incredibly lucrative field of surrogacy.

KID: Well, when I'm a daddy, what will happen to my Daddy?

MOM: Well, when you're daddy, Daddy will be a grandpa.

Mom realizes this means she will be a grandma. Potentially, kind of soon actually. In her mind's eye she sees herself as a grandma and begins to get a little sweaty. She glances up in the rear view mirror at herself. She decides she does not yet look like a grandma, and relaxes.

KID: No, but I mean, if I'm the daddy and you're the mommy, then whose daddy will Daddy be?

MOM: Oh! Well, honey, Daddy will always be your daddy! But, when you are a daddy, I will not be the mommy.

KID: (alarmed!) Why?!

MOM: Well, I'll always be your mommy, but when you have children of your own, I'll be their grandma.

KID: But who will be the mommy?

MOM: We don't know yet! One day you might meet someone and decide you love her so much and you might get married and then you might decide to have a baby.

KID: No.

MOM: No?

KID: That is so sad.

MOM: Sad?! Why is that sad?

KID: Because I only ever want to snuggle with you. I don't want to snuggle with another lady!

Let's Hear it For The Boy plays loudly in Mom's head. God, Freud would be so psyched.

While Mom's brain automatically dives to her knowledge that this is developmentally appropriate rationale for a three year old, her heart beats wildly for this little child whose love is palpable all the way from his station in the second row car seat.

She scrambles. Is there a way to stop time? Keep this moment forever. How long will it be until the sweet face in the back seat is juggling three girlfriends (all of whom he is quite happy to "snuggle") and all the time he has for Mom is a quick txt that says, "Can I have $100?"

A red light has stopped Mom literally in her tracks. She turns around to face her son.

MOM: You can always snuggle me. Always. Even when you're the daddy and I'm the grandma, you'll still be my little boy. And I will always hug you. Always. Ok?

KID: (thumb in mouth, nods slowly) Uh-huh.

There is a long silence. Mom wipes her eyes as the lights turn green. As they pull into the preschool parking lot, that small voice pipes up again.

KID: But, Mom?

MOM: Yeah?

KID: You can't always snuggle me.

MOM: Why not?

KID: Cause when you're old you'll be dead.

The car has stopped. The Preschool teacher appears.

PRESCHOOL TEACHER: (Chipper as a preschool teacher) Good Morning!

MOM: Well, I'm not dead yet.

PRESCHOOL TEACHER: (Suddenly less chipper) What?

MOM: Nothing.

KID: Bye, Mommy.

MOM: Bye, Honey. I love you.

No response as he walks away. Mom drives to Target to buy some light bulbs and vitamins. The moment has passed.

*FULL DISCLOSURE: I am prone to hyperbole.

** A cross-over vehicle is NOT a mini-van.  

There. Posterity. So, this is what a blog is for.

Kaleidoscope of Hope

 The Tree in Our Yard.

 

Amidst the stress and wreckage of the past week, my three year old found a kaleidoscope.

"Look Mommy," he squealed peering into the eye hole, "I can see my imagination!"

It stopped me dead in my exhausted, anxiety-ridden tracks. Sunlight was the catalyst for kaleidoscope magic.  Oblivious to the enormous fallen fir tree aggressively draped across our patio furniture and serving as his backdrop, my little boy was a poster child for living in the moment.

Our family is so lucky. Lucky in a million ways - but this week in particular - we are incredibly fortunate that our home is still standing and that, after a long 8 days, our power has been restored. I've been reading lots of terrific articles & blogs about the positive effects of this hurricane. (My favorite is my friend Brooke's at CarpoolCandy.com). The urge to try to make good arise out of bad is the natural course of action for optimists. And since I place myself quite solidly in that category, I have found it unnerving that I have had a difficult time seeing the bright side. This storm has caused unfathomable devastation.

And yet ... there's my little boy standing in beams of sunshine, simple delighted.

I guess the bright side still sucks his thumb and sleeps with a blanky.

While I worried about whether or not our insurance would cover the damage, how long it would be until the lights came back on, and if my mother was right  - the smell in the fridge would never go away ... my children played. For eight days straight. (FYI, I've tried to make Hannukah comparisons, but really, aside from the fear that too many candles at once would start a fire, I got nothing). I taught my older son how to play chess. The boys invented some sort of wrestling game, the rules of which I am unclear on, but it requires them both to wear "special wrestling pants" and makes them laugh non-stop. We got to spend time with friends and family we don't get to see nearly enough. I discovered a new oatmeal that I'm really into. Silver linings were all around me. 

But I think I needed my house back to see them. A hot shower with my own toiletries. The ability to flip a switch with a successful outcome. The knowledge that my family was safe.

For us, life has now resumed a semblance of normalcy. Seeing the cup half full is a luxury I can now afford. But for many, many others, just a short drive away, silver linings have not yet been revealed.  I understand. No matter how sunny your disposition, it's hard to see through the clouds when you're standing in the middle of them.

Below is a compilation of things you can do to help those families who have yet to find the bright side.

I plan to send some kaleidoscopes.

SPONSOR A SPECIFIC FAMILY IN NEED:

http://www.family-to-family.org/2012/11/family-to-family-hurricane-sandy-relief-effort/

VOULNTEER IN South Queens, Broad Channel and Rockaway:
http://rockawayhelp.com/how-can-i-help/

VOLUNTEER THROUGH NEW YORK CARES:
http://newyorkcares.org/volunteer/disaster/

CHECK IN ON FACEBOOK FOR UPDATED NEEDS:
https://www.facebook.com/AfterTheStormSandyRecoveryInfo?fref=ts

OPTIONS AVAILABLE VIA WNYC:
http://www.wnyc.org/articles/wnyc-news/2012/oct/30/how-help-hurricane-sandy/

WAYS TO HELP DONATE TO STATEN ISLAND, ETC:
http://www.latinospost.com/articles/6396/20121103/aftermath-superstorm-sandy-2012-help-donate-new.htm#gErIzBksddYSuDWd.99

There are many donation drop off points available in the Maplewood/South Orange area. Below is a list of things most needed. If you need help finding a place to drop items off, please let me know.

ITEMS MOST NEEDED:

*MOST ESSENTIAL ITEMS* – Work gloves, batteries, flashlights, face masks, thick black contractor bags. These need to be CLEARLY marked so that we can distribute them easily and quickly.

*MOST ESSENTIAL MEDICINE ITEMS* – Baby cough medicine, BAND-AIDS, Neosporin, Ace bandages, Advil, Tylenol. Please mark clearly.

*CLEANING SUPPLIES* – Mops, brooms, shovels, bleach, clorox, buckets.

*MOST ESSENTIAL FOOD ITEMS*- Water, orange juice, apple juice, granola bars, powdered milk, jelly, bread.

*MOST ESSENTIAL BABY ITEMS* – Baby food, formula, bottles, wipes, diapers. 

And please - share your own Post Hurricane thoughts. (I'd love to hear from you). You can post here in the comments or on Mamadrama.com where they're compiling a list of blogosphere thoughts.