About This Blog

Rated P is a sketch comedy musical about parenthood celebrating the wonders & lunacy of raising kids from conception to college. This blog, written by Rated P's author & lyricist, Sandy Rustin, offers up a humorous and heartfelt look at the nitty gritty business of parenting.

Monday, August 13, 2012


We just got back from a surprise vacation to Disney World. (Well, it wasn't a surprise to us ...)

While we were there, I kept a log of comments that I wanted to remember. I've narrowed them down and thought I'd use this forum to share my TOP THREE DISNEY VACATION QUOTES with you.

First let me set the scene. 6:30 AM. Our kids are in our bed awaiting what they've been told is a fantastic surprise. I am ducked down below the foot of the bed with a Mickey Mouse doll poised to function as a puppet.  My husband stands directly behind me, set to record the kids' reaction with his iphone.  I complete my elaborate "puppet" show (with a really authentic Mickey Mouse voice) inviting the kids to "come visit me at my house!" (Me - being Mickey). 

Here's the dialogue that transpired when I popped up from my puppeteer's spot:

ME (as me now, no longer as Mickey):   So??!!  Well?!!?  Do you know what the surprise is?
MY SON: A puppet show in front of Dad's penis?

Location.  Location.  Location.  I had thought of everything.  But not the proximity of the Mickey Mouse Not-A-Puppet, to my husband's crotch. 

Needless to say, once they realized the surprise was not in fact a lame puppet show erroneously positioned,  but in fact a real, live trip to Disney World, they had a perfect reaction, which my husband successfully caught on tape.

This quote was overheard at The Animal Kingdom, one of Disney World's four theme parks. Picture if you will, a heavy set woman in her late twenties wearing very tight shorts and a Disney World tank top. Her hair, frosted with bangs, ala 1984, is wet at the temples. Her extremely thin husband (?) is perpetually several paces behind her. Beside her is a tiny, adorable girl in pigtails and overpriced Minnie Mouse ears. Her accent rings Kentucky truth.

DISNEY MOM (threatening tone): Ellie?  Are you gonna be a good girl, or do you need your leash?

Well, this one stopped all four of us in our tracks. Lucky for me, even my younger son overheard this other child's reality. Suffice it to say, the prospect of a leash was enough to get him to stop complaining about having to hold my hand amidst the crowds. 

Part of the joy of taking small children to Disney World is that they're small children. They're not old enough to be jaded. They believe in Tinkerbell's fairy dust. Their hearts beat pit-a-patter when they see (a college student dressed in an impossibly hot, full body costume) Daisy Duck, standing on a parade float. As parents, we want to make those magical moments as resonant as possible. We reinforce every bewitching twinkle with an "Ooooh, honey, did you see that?" or "Hey, look at Tigger! I can bounce too! (bouncing) Can you bounce?" In essence, we makes fools of ourselves in an effort to meet our children in the Land of Make Believe. I found myself admiring the skip in my husband's step. He approved of my Snow White t-shirt. Together we "oooh-ed and "ahhh-ed" at every magical turn. We felt we had achieved optimal parental awesomeness. And then we hear from our seven year old.

OUR SON:  "Dad? Do me a favor.  When we get back to the hotel, don't be weird."

(Insert alarmed couple gasping simultaneously here). We exchanged spousal looks that screamed, "NO, NO NOT YET!!  HE'S ONLY SEVEN!  HE CAN'T THINK WE'RE WEIRD YET!!!" In response, my husband feigned extreme offense (weirdly?) while denying his weirdness.

I felt relieved. We made it to Disney World just in time. That son of ours is on the cusp of tween and we're just eking by. Meanwhile, after breakfast the next day, that same child gave us the best quote of the trip: "Hey, Guys?  Can we live here?"

Do you have any funny family vacation quotes? Share away in the comments section!

Check out my latest post on www.parentables.com - 7 Ways to Save Money at Disney World.


  1. I love every bit of this blog. Where's the video?

  2. HILARIOUS. Penis part takes the cake. Debating when is a good time to take my guys and thinking maybe next fall (they'll be 5, 5, and 7). Sounds like maybe so!

    1. Annie, those are perfect ages! Thanks for reading my blog!! If you gear up for a Disney trip, lemme know I got tons of tips! ox

  3. Its good that Disney trip is awesome and comfortable for you and i think its good way to enjoy your kids during the Disney trip bus from raleigh to nyc if you want to go to the tour of most cities in US follow the link..